How to talk like a Kiwi

Joe and a flock of Kiwis round for tea





They gave Joe a trophy for Best 80's Vinyl



If you have been paying attention, our landlord, Simon, is from New Zealand, which makes him a Kiwi.

The country of New Zealand is found at latitude 43° 32' S and longitude 172° 37' E which is way the hell in the bottom southeast corner of the planet.

Because of this, Kiwis love to fly (although you may have heard otherwise). In fact they have no fear of jumping on five planes to get to Fairbanks, which is just what Simon's sister Bridget and brother-in-law Greg did in order to spend ten days with Simon and Gareth skiing and doing other typically adventurous Kiwi things. I think they said they made stops in Auckland, Tahiti, Hawaii, Seattle and Anchorage.

Besides being so rugged and adventurous, Kiwis are very well-mannered, polite and fun to hang out with, although I don't always get what they're saying (compared to Americans, Kiwis are way more connected to Merry Old England which explains their strange speech).

For example:

We say "shopping cart" they say "trolley"

We say "Come over for dinner" they say "Come round for tea" (they have that Englishy thing about tea, I could go on but...)

After dinner we say "What's for dessert?" they say "What's for pudding?" I don't really care for Jello and was glad when I learned it could mean brownies.

We say "I'll buy this round" they say "My shout"

And so on:

bonnet = hood of the car

boot = trunk of the car

brekkie = breakfast

chokkie = chocolate (according to Gareth only Simon uses this word)

heaps = very, a lot ("we have heaps of firewood")

kindie = kindergarten

petrol = gasoline

rough as guts = uncouth, coarse, crude (their version of "born in a barn")

safe as houses = a sure thing (we would never say that about houses in this country!)

togs = swimsuit

tramp = hike

zed = the letter "Z"

Then there are words I have no explanation for:

dag = as in "he's such a dag". A dag is a piece of poop stuck to the rear end of a sheep (sheep are important there, so I'm guessing it's their "horse's ass"???)