tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91448514542981087182024-03-06T01:16:43.607-08:00So You're Moving to Alaska--Good for You!sled dogs, battery blankets, outhouses in the snow, it's all here...DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.comBlogger163125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-50803001327507803812016-04-29T22:34:00.000-07:002016-04-29T23:43:09.630-07:00In Dog We Trust<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Some of my friends were upset to hear that I’m struggling to
make ends meet in my 4<sup>th</sup> year of graduate school. I know my previous post sounded dire, because I had just taken a good look at my finances and was feeling scared. But here I want to say that while it definitely makes life more challenging, being poor is not the worst thing in the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As long as you have a roof over your head and enough to keep going, not having a lot of money is actually a very good teacher. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It has taught me that I can make do without things I used to expect daily: a glass of wine at dinner, cream for my coffee (if we can’t
afford coffee--well that’s a different story). <o:p></o:p></div>
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It has taught me to say yes to things I don't normally say yes to, like pet-sitting for cash. A pet-sitter in Fairbanks can get by looking
after sled dogs, house dogs, and new litters of puppies. For mushers to be
able to take a vacation away from their numerous dogs is out of the question, unless they can hire a trustworthy individual to stay at their house for a few days or weeks. l have no dog-yard experience,
and I was honest about that with a potential employer, who wanted me to look after 37 sled dogs for two weeks. She found someone with
mushing experience (thankfully!) and it turned out to be a stroke of luck for
Simon, who was able to hire me to stay at Kiwi Kastle for a few days and look after his six puppies while he was caribou hunting in the Kuparuk watershed with a friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He took all his dogs and two sleds and drove
all day on the Dalton to get a hundred miles north of the Arctic Circle, where they brought down three
bulls and hauled them eight miles on sleds from the open tundra back to their
truck parked off the haul road.<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
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While he was doing all that, I was soaking puppy kibble in
hot water three times a day, mucking out their kennel, and alternating my time
between writing my first chapter manuscript draft and keeping the puppies amused with
walks and safe, non-toxic chew toys. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I have learned more about dogs in the seven years I’ve been
in Alaska than in a lifetime growing up with dogs in Chicago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I learned that the happiest dogs in the world
are dogs that have jobs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dogs are
natural optimists, and since you can’t make a dog do a job he doesn’t love,
giving them something to focus on allows them to take their natural talent at being optimists a step
further. Sled dogs are bred to run; pulling the sled keeps their bodies and
brains focused, it works off excess energy, and it allows them
to gratify the primal urge to run with the pack. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Others are bred to hunt or herd, and a good long walk through a field or forest is their news, weather and sports rolled into one.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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The funny thing is, if you spend enough time surrounded by
optimists, it begins to rub off.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In the world of dog people vs cat people, I have always
identified as a cat person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cat people
are not optimists, and are sensitive to the three things dogs are really good
at: noise, chaos, and foul odors—thus I’ve largely avoided their company (no hard feelings, guys). I have not
been alone. Many cultures have shunned dogs as unclean because they consume
carrion and carry pestilent fleas. Anti-canine cultures must wonder at modern people who let these ancient scavengers into their homes where they are hand-fed
table scraps and allowed to snuggle in fluffy beds with their human companions.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Dogs don’t care about any of that. If you’re rich,
of course they will happily accept steak and a velvet pillow. But if all
you have is Alpo and straw, they won't stop wagging their tails at the sight of you, magnificent bringer of Alpo and straw, coming through the door each day. They won’t resent you if
you don’t have new clothes or state-of-the-art matching doggy gear. If you fall down and hurt yourself they'll do
everything in their power to comfort<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> All they want is someone to love.</span> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when you come home to open the door, they jump on you and shower you with
kisses as though they haven’t seen you for ten years—and once they are sure that it's really, really you and not a dream, off they go into the
forest scenting a squirrel or rabbit, chasing each other through the bushes,
ears flapping, tail up, prancing like mad four-legged ballerinas. Is there anything so happy, so
carefree? Your dog could be a purebred with a diamond-studded collar or a rescue
with a plain cloth collar—what does she care? She’s out in nature doing what
she loves—and she’s with you--the person she loves in all the world! If that doesn’t make you feel like a million bucks, I don’t know what does.<br />
<o:p></o:p><br />
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DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-81477199401613933572016-03-29T14:58:00.000-07:002016-03-29T14:58:27.451-07:00Low rent and white curtains<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I woke up to white curtains of rain-snow and mist. I got up
early to meet with my pet-sitting client in town. She was handing over some
things I’d left at her place accidentally--and my pay.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had just enough time to bake my weekly loaf of bread but not enough
time to eat any. I also had just enough time to check that my auto insurance
was current, and to make a cup of coffee, which I took with me. I was meeting her at a coffee shop, but I
didn’t plan on buying anything there. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I drove down the hill toward town I realized I had
forgotten to brush my teeth. But then I remembered I didn’t have any toothpaste
anyway.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had stayed at her place for a total of 36 days; at $15/day
this came to $540. I still have to make the rent on my own cabin. Her house had
two bedrooms and two and a half baths. Heated floors and a heated garage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Washer/dryer and a dishwasher. Two showers
and an extra large bathtub. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Two dogs and
a cat. I was surprised to see the check was made out for $625. She said she was
happy with the way her house and her pets looked when she came home. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I thanked her and walked the check across the parking lot to
my landlord’s credit union. They deposited the check, made out to me, into his
savings account. I have an account at a different credit union, but unlike
banks, credit unions “talk” to one another—without charging you a fee. That was
handy, because it was snowing heavily just then. And I was fresh out of fee money.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
$625 down, $75 to go. I texted my landlord.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I thought about driving to the supermarket. I had meant to
bring my propane tank for a refill, but in my haste I’d forgotten to load it in
the car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Toothpaste, a battery for my
kitchen clock, tea. That and propane would come to about $25. Oh, and eggs:
$29. But I knew if I went to the supermarket I would end up buying things on my
wish list: Ziploc bags. Vanilla extract. Cardamom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Flaxseed oil. Sigh. Out of sight is out of
mind. After the credit union, I went up the hill to the University greenhouse to
water what’s left of my germination experiments. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Two more years of grad school. $52,000 in my IRA account. $16,500 student loan debt. Should I just cash in the IRA to pay off the loan and live off the
rest until I graduate? I had been talked into hiring a broker for $39 a month
to help me get back on track. It seemed just the thing to do two weeks ago,
sitting in the well-designed home-office of the house I was house-sitting, petting the cat to keep her from swiping the cell phone out of my hand
with one lethal paw. I sent him a spreadsheet of all my expenses and
assets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We talked about my financial and personal goals. Where do you see yourself in three to five years, he asked. I see
myself as a post-doc working at a university somewhere, I told him. I see myself traveling to visit family and friends. I thought to
myself, would anyone want to hire/date a 58 to 60 year old post-doc? I might have gray hair by then. People/potential boyfriends would
assume I’m a professor/loser and think I’m too expensive/old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They might take one look at me and think: there
are so many post-docs/women out there with less miles on them. Do I really want
to hire/have sex with this old lady? What’s she doing being a post-doc/single woman at
her age anyway?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why do I assume nobody wants me? The truth? I never wanted me
either. Once I realized that life is all about taking care of yourself because
nobody really cares about anything else, I thought: raw deal, so much
work, why bother? And yet, the body wants to breathe, the heart wants to pump.
What can you do? I get up each morning a mindless blob, and gradually evolve into
a human over the first cup of coffee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Two and a half hours later, I’m ready to march out the door: Look out
world, here I come again!! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I used to have a handle on things. I used to be able to buy
any kind of grocery I wanted. Anything! Now I have to fork over a month’s pay
to pay a month’s rent. I have to go without eggs, and add baking soda to a sliced-open
tube of no-more toothpaste. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In three to five years will I
be a jobless homeless toothless post-doc runnerup holding a cardboard sign just outside the
parking lot at Fred Meyers?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How the hell did life get so low-rent? All I wanted was to
be a scientist, but I find myself worrying more about my daily finances than
about my dissertation. Did I make the wrong decision? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Should I have stayed an office worker? I would
have maybe stayed employed. I would maybe have savings. I would maybe be able to take vacations, see my family--pay my medical bills. Maybe I could buy new
clothes, nice wine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All these things I
could maybe do in my spare time if I had stayed in the workforce and survived layoffs. The rest of my time? I would be bored to tears clicking
away in some cubicle. If I still had a job.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-279369471565597842015-12-13T16:16:00.000-08:002015-12-13T16:25:57.092-08:00the inspectors<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
What's seven feet tall, weighs half a ton, and sneaks about quietly on official business?<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmcWv3dXwMgHztLLoB6bCUdZ-8g54HFD720Mnd82xtXwrra59ecEnhy_fmGN-dJ7Ur0vDvKQFTTVBPRJV6eRcn_l8xCsXkj6pSbgyCUihT4hF6xO7YF2-WqIm6RBHWC_isDEH6n7dqgHys/s1600/moose+hat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmcWv3dXwMgHztLLoB6bCUdZ-8g54HFD720Mnd82xtXwrra59ecEnhy_fmGN-dJ7Ur0vDvKQFTTVBPRJV6eRcn_l8xCsXkj6pSbgyCUihT4hF6xO7YF2-WqIm6RBHWC_isDEH6n7dqgHys/s320/moose+hat.jpg" width="249" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">moose wearing official inspector's regalia.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Yes, it's <i>Alces alces</i>, the majestic moose!<br />
<br />
When I moved to Alaska six years ago I wanted to live in a log cabin and see moose from my window. Easier said than done. I have seen them in my yard on occasion, but more often I see their sign. They are stealthy, and though they tend to be active during the day, right now in Alaska "day" is mostly dark, so my chances of seeing them are pretty low. They are more likely to be seen at the close of summer when they boldly saunter into yards to inspect vegetable gardens, or later in the fall when hollowed-out pumpkins left on porches keep them busy overtime.<br />
<br />
This winter began with lots of snow, leaving a deep white blanket unmarred for weeks up until the last 36 hours. Then on Saturday I looked out my kitchen window and noticed the first moose tracks. By this morning the tracks had doubled. I decided to try to make sense of them by creating a map. Like all inspectors, they show up unannounced and stick their long noses into everything, including the path to my firewood which reposes under a tarp tied to some spruce trees, and which now bears the stamp of the cloven hoof.<br />
<br />
As always, they left a few Proofs of Observation (see map).<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnfgXsnT4ZJvKkjwImfEOJeNhFl89PvsopHI-c56d-H9hZPNu43PTdux1ZAE5jQbrJ8hqy9NlnP_RV8B1x59TGnihzyoaYb5DuWa0VxXonZDxiME3JYjTEU4UcZ7NBM5bWps2jPC_NJswQ/s1600/crisscross.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: right;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnfgXsnT4ZJvKkjwImfEOJeNhFl89PvsopHI-c56d-H9hZPNu43PTdux1ZAE5jQbrJ8hqy9NlnP_RV8B1x59TGnihzyoaYb5DuWa0VxXonZDxiME3JYjTEU4UcZ7NBM5bWps2jPC_NJswQ/s320/crisscross.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs-C6qwXoaxtNcCxWGqAq-E4Up-1c4ygkAfa3y2PMxXtuMgxTjY3MDXwegwonZkqoWqUP2vlCV1CpSP2sqZtvjpRVqXJ8oyshkIkdpekJd_vRR3PVhiuIRTicGHisdbkaWwuNK9Bu1JJQD/s1600/Slide1.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs-C6qwXoaxtNcCxWGqAq-E4Up-1c4ygkAfa3y2PMxXtuMgxTjY3MDXwegwonZkqoWqUP2vlCV1CpSP2sqZtvjpRVqXJ8oyshkIkdpekJd_vRR3PVhiuIRTicGHisdbkaWwuNK9Bu1JJQD/s320/Slide1.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">inspection route awarded three Proofs Of Observation (POOs)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br /></div>
DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-84304944757473457322015-10-04T14:32:00.001-07:002015-10-04T14:32:20.778-07:00.......<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixayRnK4a_ZUGXXHIPkcEhGQCssZURX_5GSrhZCxt7LLHI2s1Ey5QiDP2ej3mj_aEvPD8f3DfDrSjnXZ4Zveetpetek4MVYFOYlmpugPp7wrFedW_fY6TuboeZ2j5u8kWSejPfB1jvhSg9/s1600/streetstreet1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixayRnK4a_ZUGXXHIPkcEhGQCssZURX_5GSrhZCxt7LLHI2s1Ey5QiDP2ej3mj_aEvPD8f3DfDrSjnXZ4Zveetpetek4MVYFOYlmpugPp7wrFedW_fY6TuboeZ2j5u8kWSejPfB1jvhSg9/s320/streetstreet1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">streetstreet</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKIktH7xRXzVyD9YQ13YYOTB8_J6LHN5ujd1CTclMoDGT9mmkmHJFPDVVg4I_5_yGfP4gwrt4yk2vOUcGT5Q5F6mGsx-Utx8QRRLJnf39mubZL4pLzscpZmlEGqp-bdkkqGF-byB-3FNA0/s1600/depressing+litter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKIktH7xRXzVyD9YQ13YYOTB8_J6LHN5ujd1CTclMoDGT9mmkmHJFPDVVg4I_5_yGfP4gwrt4yk2vOUcGT5Q5F6mGsx-Utx8QRRLJnf39mubZL4pLzscpZmlEGqp-bdkkqGF-byB-3FNA0/s320/depressing+litter.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">litter</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQyy2V-w0VY9akSBNcCDdG1lQ2RBuUcx0vtUqbypEjqh3w4smOJr045zIQAC4SrqM8voYN5vnB_AMvNe4xr6n3QNnhM3ZwinnO2B8m5zAd4gG-goXQIp7pa3iAbrL4ijUySca1RW821XuO/s1600/skier1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQyy2V-w0VY9akSBNcCDdG1lQ2RBuUcx0vtUqbypEjqh3w4smOJr045zIQAC4SrqM8voYN5vnB_AMvNe4xr6n3QNnhM3ZwinnO2B8m5zAd4gG-goXQIp7pa3iAbrL4ijUySca1RW821XuO/s320/skier1.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">skier</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-74390586542338781852015-09-27T19:15:00.000-07:002015-09-27T19:15:10.387-07:00the artsy fartsy corner<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcwjMIxWXnjGFETbtPlIqTvHCSwzpA5vUOBddVrxefjjH8ryXQ6rl8m-NF35ha3DYJ11XpoAJ1kkhpIXcyoPb-Wsew0829eIp7bAzPnMUg1dD-M-dVjrGq4d_jxQ8djxBcf0-vDSg_NtFj/s1600/foreric.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcwjMIxWXnjGFETbtPlIqTvHCSwzpA5vUOBddVrxefjjH8ryXQ6rl8m-NF35ha3DYJ11XpoAJ1kkhpIXcyoPb-Wsew0829eIp7bAzPnMUg1dD-M-dVjrGq4d_jxQ8djxBcf0-vDSg_NtFj/s320/foreric.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">for eric</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3WTNvY6AfAizpU150QZp-6EcLEnW_rOmaWRNiXTu52aJQTNh2iWCOQYKH26uUaUCunNNUSU9D8c2gHylnJH9kM3ZEsHRAB9JRBMAgN_QrnUaHY1DQ14zJhdf7yYTyH4595KngG7RwU4k9/s1600/graduate+school.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3WTNvY6AfAizpU150QZp-6EcLEnW_rOmaWRNiXTu52aJQTNh2iWCOQYKH26uUaUCunNNUSU9D8c2gHylnJH9kM3ZEsHRAB9JRBMAgN_QrnUaHY1DQ14zJhdf7yYTyH4595KngG7RwU4k9/s320/graduate+school.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">graduate school</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmx0hztz7fulLWtZemPPCPWuVbYooQ-OzmFAjvarfEpw9_pw_ltlFALoPfNIEbag2Zw5YDIwqqmnEobZCeWRv2WxyDNoyykE_N1cbVbSdgYKgAIflfrpYff7F1LA-XzY_4MimRGk0SqDhE/s1600/landscape1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmx0hztz7fulLWtZemPPCPWuVbYooQ-OzmFAjvarfEpw9_pw_ltlFALoPfNIEbag2Zw5YDIwqqmnEobZCeWRv2WxyDNoyykE_N1cbVbSdgYKgAIflfrpYff7F1LA-XzY_4MimRGk0SqDhE/s320/landscape1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">the hood</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-32838768217150518452015-09-20T17:30:00.001-07:002015-09-20T17:39:26.736-07:00It's Autumn and Nobody's Smiling<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
Many moons ago, in my late twenties, I found myself feeling
isolated and deeply unhappy. I had graduated from college a few years earlier
and had married my college boyfriend, but I found myself frustrated and
depressed most of the time. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I turned to
my diary as a sort of confessional, because I felt nobody else could really
help me. Part of my problem was that I thought the misfortunes I suffered were
completely out of my control, that life was meant to be “against me,” thus
nobody else could truly understand my situation. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had no awareness that my ability to control
my feelings and choices could be the key to a happier life. In other words, my
lack of self-awareness, my ignorance of where my own powers lay, left me
feeling like a boat at the mercy of inhospitable seas. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It got so bad that I actually ran away from
home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first time, I took all the
money from the joint savings account my husband and I had, and I drove out west
for 100 days, hiking in the mountains and sleeping in motels and campgrounds. The
second time, I was divorced and living on my own, and I decided I’d had enough
of my life again, and headed out west again for the summer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why I ever returned to Chicago is something
of a mystery, but it probably had to do with the fact that I’d run out of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>money and ideas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once I learned that I had the power
to navigate my little boat, my life began to become less of a struggle and more
of an adventure.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Without these skills of navigation I doubt I would ever have
landed in Alaska to study the Arctic. Sometimes I feel like pinching myself at
how lucky I am.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even so, every autumn in Fairbanks I feel myself internally
bracing for an invisible storm. Not necessarily the coming of winter (although
that’s surely part of it), but certainly the combination of the stress of the
fall semester, the demands of my graduate program and all its attendant
commitments and meetings and obligations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Grad students at UAF who are awarded a TA assignment are expected to run
two labs per week, attend all the lectures, and do all the assignments to keep
up with student questions. I confess I have never looked forward to it. The
only thing that gives me a sense of excitement is the idea that my data will
show me something unexpected and wonderful, that it will one day be published,
and that I will go on to other as-yet unknown adventures, hopefully having
something to do with the Arctic.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even so, after three years in this program, all the steps still
required to earn my PhD seem as remote and untested as the steps to the summit
of Everest. And some days I’m just not up for the challenge. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s helped tremendously to have good neighbors, people to
hang out with and share a meal and some laughs and forget the frustrations of
academia. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But nothing lasts forever. Recently,
some my Alaskan friends have decided to leave Fairbanks to pursue other
adventures. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know that life goes on, but it is sad to see them go.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gareth and Ryanne left last month to seek their fortune in
the Lower 48. And tomorrow, Joanne is heading down to the lower 48 to work for
the next eight months in Idaho and Washington. She’s sublet her cabin to yet
another new face who comes and goes about her own business, and it isn’t clear
if Joanne will be back in the spring to stay or to wrap things up and take off
for good.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The undergraduates I’m TAing this semester will graduate and
move on in a few short years, and who knows, I may even be done before they
are. Right now it seems hard to imagine. There’s so much to juggle with my
dissertation and the demands of the TA assignment, and I know my fellow grad
students bear the same weight of their own tasks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The worse thing about
graduate school is—hands down--the utterly disheartening look on the unsmiling
faces of graduate students; these are people you pass everyday on campus who
don’t look at you or speak to you. If you should dare to say “Good morning” or
even just “Hi” they look as though you threw cold water on them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These days I think about what it would feel
like to drive out of Fairbanks to Delta Junction and then east into Canada,
cutting south to cross over into Montana or North Dakota, or continue further
on to Minnesota or Wisconsin, never looking back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have no idea what I’d do once I got to
wherever I think I would go, but that isn’t the point. These are the days I
just want to run away from the pileup of darkness and cold and grad school duties
in this pressure cooker world of academia. Sometimes I worry that I am sacrificing
my health and happiness for the right to be called a doctor of philosophy. But then
I tell myself: if you walk away from all this work, you will have nothing to
feel good about--so you might as well get those three letters after your name to
compensate for all this suffering. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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And then I go outside and I’m startled by the sight of a
squirrel that has landed somehow in my rain barrel and drowned. I mean, it’s
not like Alaska is in a drought. It’s been cloudy and rainy for the past ten
days. Why did he end up in here? Squirrels are not what comes to mind when you
think of accident-prone<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>klutzbags. So
what happened here, little buddy? Did you just decide to take the plunge like your
lemming cousins? Was it just all too much to bear? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or did you see a tasty-looking giant spruce
cone, magnified in the lens of the water?</div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgANHVzI2OwnVZI8Zx7MFiIUwJQYgL4JyhK__gFtP5OLiIdcmagjvftO6d6VfmEeGHwRocaGC5fHMPB5500Z4dIm-8YN1I99wTVf7vpCdyFY6T8h_A94w4ixqEkRZdLB8xas_R0c4JTswyz/s1600/DSCN0006.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgANHVzI2OwnVZI8Zx7MFiIUwJQYgL4JyhK__gFtP5OLiIdcmagjvftO6d6VfmEeGHwRocaGC5fHMPB5500Z4dIm-8YN1I99wTVf7vpCdyFY6T8h_A94w4ixqEkRZdLB8xas_R0c4JTswyz/s320/DSCN0006.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p></div>
DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-38409249647164253622015-08-02T13:09:00.000-07:002015-08-02T13:25:13.534-07:00Love and Happiness<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHaZiejOFhaIA_FTsPbSItG46Ed_p4BtBy-CfQitsAYv87RwjHQLZOJa8W_FRx54iVMURUjnznhvnL-DMzCLfHWT_4n8G5Uiy0bwN5Y29dDZvqg1l2VHh72RHwtTeBfCnv5qDiXwTaPcDt/s1600/150801_0005.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHaZiejOFhaIA_FTsPbSItG46Ed_p4BtBy-CfQitsAYv87RwjHQLZOJa8W_FRx54iVMURUjnznhvnL-DMzCLfHWT_4n8G5Uiy0bwN5Y29dDZvqg1l2VHh72RHwtTeBfCnv5qDiXwTaPcDt/s320/150801_0005.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I just came back from a ten-day vacation in Northern
California where my good friends Di Walsh and Lawr Michaels hosted me at their Lake
Tahoe vacation house and their Bay Area home.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Nearly two decades ago I was introduced to Di through my
sister, who recruited me to paint a likeness of a recently deceased pet of Di’s
then-boyfriend. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember Di walking
into my sister’s kitchen on a bright morning: she was funny and feisty and
cheerful and I liked her immediately. Several months later at a Christmas party
I was introduced to her cousin Cherie, whom I also liked immediately. Ever
since, I have counted these people among my dearest friends.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Many parties later—Di’s parties at her place on the Fox
River were legendary—we found ourselves going back to school getting our
university education in biology: Di for her BS in Anthrozoology at UC Davis, me
for a PhD in plant biology at UAF. I described Di to my Alaskan friends as “the
other fifty-year-old college student.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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For eight years Di has shared her life with her partner,
Lawr Michaels, a sports writer and musician, and their seven or eight animal
family members, consisting of roughly equal parts canine and feline. Fittingly,
they describe their household as a “pack.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I got to be part of the pack for a few days. Everyone who
knows me knows I’m not a “dog person,” and yet for some reason, several of my closest friends and
neighbors are dog people. So, in order to be with them, I have had to deal with hot, fishy dog breath in my face, lots of barking and fussing, lots of dog hair,
drool, nasty dog farts, and worst of all, picking up German Shepherd poo in the
middle of the night because dear old elderly Mahi had an accident in the living
room where I was sleeping. Di and Lawr told me I was the easiest house guest
one could ask for, and I have to agree <span style="font-family: Wingdings;">:-)</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Coming home early this morning to my beloved house on Kiwi Korner, to my car
Kaneesha, my pet tarantula Wata, my laughing Buddha statue and my pet cactus
Bartholomew, I realized that the pack love I had been basking in at Di and
Lawr’s is something I want for myself in some
version or other--but I don't quite have it yet. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I see their life the way one hears a song never before
played; I didn’t quite realize such notes existed, beautiful and tangled as the
leashes on the side table in the living room, beautiful as the cupboards
stuffed with dog treats in front of the granola and pancake mix, beautiful as the mounds of
clean laundry that never seem to get put away in the tide of busy days,
beautiful as the plants in the backyard garden that stand vulnerable to
accidental annihilation by their large and playful four-legged children. Each
night, the pack goes into the bedroom and drapes itself across the bed to watch “Family Guy” before falling asleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even though this is not the way I choose to live my own life, I realize that in spending time with them I have seen the things that make life worth
living.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-64862351180667787542015-06-28T22:58:00.004-07:002015-06-29T16:57:04.386-07:00Television Eyes<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
When I was an undergrad, my roommate made a comment one day as I was showing him some pictures from childhood. He looked at photos of one of my relatives from about the age of five to fifteen. When he saw the adolescent images of her he remarked:<br />
<br />
"She has television eyes."<br />
<br />
I compared the photos of the innocent, wide-eyed gaze of her girlhood to the teenage pictures, and it seemed that she had indeed developed a vacant stare, as if under hypnosis. Television Eyes.<br />
<br />
These days, it seems everyone is guilty. If television was a powerfully corruptive force in the sixties, today's constant stream of real-time internet updates creates the same sort of hypnosis. Everywhere you go, you see people staring down at their hands, at their laps. Since I joined Facebook, I have been doing pretty much the same thing. I wonder what's happening to my brain, to my health, to my natural self? In a few short days I'll be marching across the tundra, needing my more ancient systems fully intact for the physical and mental challenges of weather and data sampling in the field.<br />
<br />
Will you be up for it, Television Eyes??<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiluwBf86F08VqtUIVPLXSsOwks9lrJssFxxaRpUMcaPAa9NRGjFfiYhMFCt-4cjxh0Xl3FuMgQ6Umjf29oU3nAYkJGCQkL5QvGluRZrn84cB6fwUF-zBVSKr3txE4M2vs_vVFLaCspfLwc/s1600/television+eyes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiluwBf86F08VqtUIVPLXSsOwks9lrJssFxxaRpUMcaPAa9NRGjFfiYhMFCt-4cjxh0Xl3FuMgQ6Umjf29oU3nAYkJGCQkL5QvGluRZrn84cB6fwUF-zBVSKr3txE4M2vs_vVFLaCspfLwc/s320/television+eyes.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">merrrr......</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeH32v9weaN2_IXkDTVQzzv1n3z3rH-sdkUBDA9-OYOdoe_VqCq07fHBxAlARsZAgJqit57D5ut868ugMadVX8UBf8eGOqcwNewDc_6olrP0F61UzmILoF3I_0Sgp93aC0K5ZDvQVbQ5dQ/s1600/TV+eyes+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeH32v9weaN2_IXkDTVQzzv1n3z3rH-sdkUBDA9-OYOdoe_VqCq07fHBxAlARsZAgJqit57D5ut868ugMadVX8UBf8eGOqcwNewDc_6olrP0F61UzmILoF3I_0Sgp93aC0K5ZDvQVbQ5dQ/s320/TV+eyes+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">did somebody just say something????</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-60709560080050764922015-06-25T20:38:00.001-07:002015-06-29T16:56:33.189-07:00Forget Drill, Baby, Drill (at least for now)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
more like Burn, Baby, Burn.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXZJHboGe3pscXvpr1rypoT04Enlk2nfzuAsdPJq_9eClOKYolcFkQJhh9SpX6CMsE24H2BEJOG8EjGFzNu_ajo88FL02h1oNs_GsXRTtnGcybHGzZZDJLKQkEEpeVVKEzz2dsdUyKu_ph/s1600/150624_0020.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXZJHboGe3pscXvpr1rypoT04Enlk2nfzuAsdPJq_9eClOKYolcFkQJhh9SpX6CMsE24H2BEJOG8EjGFzNu_ajo88FL02h1oNs_GsXRTtnGcybHGzZZDJLKQkEEpeVVKEzz2dsdUyKu_ph/s400/150624_0020.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What strange planet have I landed on??</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiotlnUDL_HOFYSCWn6Rw-MsnpJNMN48BpnBJV0pa4wgqwvtQAhluAwgcoWIjsV3ZDK3n7U9S8hv3surQpCAMWaEvgRQ2ADh_L8dIKy_htN2cSdpU8n7qvIPZaC1OZ_rYrX_se2cy8kK32v/s1600/150625_0001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiotlnUDL_HOFYSCWn6Rw-MsnpJNMN48BpnBJV0pa4wgqwvtQAhluAwgcoWIjsV3ZDK3n7U9S8hv3surQpCAMWaEvgRQ2ADh_L8dIKy_htN2cSdpU8n7qvIPZaC1OZ_rYrX_se2cy8kK32v/s400/150625_0001.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: 12.8000001907349px; text-align: center;">NOT mushrooms in our local soccer field--but firefighters' tents. Many people have come up from the L48 to help (Thank you guys!!)</span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZWKJPg5dp5ZPAL60tHSu-CkJqcYSGoA4HxTd4NGDY4Oxfmu9qIHbYSgCjzED8KkGs2i853KrifDYyBetcrCclcO3cgqSszN2VS1gEJyCmGBnPvkcLPmc-b8rn8RRBgZ3_xV-5b0E5Qd4x/s320/CIO6XtPUMAAZpdY.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="257" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://twitter.com/AK_Forestry/status/613538891694354432/photo/1" target="_blank">from AK Forestry on Twitter</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZWKJPg5dp5ZPAL60tHSu-CkJqcYSGoA4HxTd4NGDY4Oxfmu9qIHbYSgCjzED8KkGs2i853KrifDYyBetcrCclcO3cgqSszN2VS1gEJyCmGBnPvkcLPmc-b8rn8RRBgZ3_xV-5b0E5Qd4x/s1600/CIO6XtPUMAAZpdY.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
...another great website of current fire distribution from <a href="http://smoke.arsc.edu/current_fires.html" target="_blank">UAFSMOKE:</a><br />
<br />
There are about 300 individual wildfires burning in Alaska right now. Most of them started in the last few days, because we've had little rain and our main forest tree, besides birch, is spruce, aka the Christmas Tree. We have literally millions of Christmas Trees in our forests, and if you've ever shoved a dried up old spruce into your fireplace after the holidays and watched it explode into flames, you understand what a vulnerable situation we're in right now.<br />
<br />
Since about Sunday, the sun has been blood red, and casts no shadow, the air smells like campfire smoke and is really really---REALLY--hard to breathe. It gives you headaches, and not only that---some research suggests that inhaling air polluted by particulate matter in high concentrations can lead to chronic inflammation in the brain, and (shudder!) to <a href="http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2015/05/air-pollution-dementia-alzheimers-brain" target="_blank">dementia</a><br />
<br />
Since I've moved to Alaska, I've never experienced such intensely unbreathable air. If this becomes the "new normal"--hot, dry summers and a long fire season until autumn rains clear the air--I don't know how much more of this I'll be able to take.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-36152057301218464942015-06-13T15:45:00.000-07:002015-06-29T16:57:37.936-07:00 Big Dreams on Laundry Day<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Today is a lovely warm Saturday--perfect for doing the laundry. My neighbor stopped by on her way to do her own laundry and told me she had a dream about having her very own water.<br />
<br />
Unlike me, she lives in a real dry cabin: she has to buy and haul all her water from The Fill in town.<br />
<br />
I'm much luckier. My old belowground tank still has a few hundred gallons of tea-colored water for my weekly "Better Than Nothing" shower and daily washing of dishes. If it wasn't so old and full of sediment I wouldn't have to buy drinking water, but that's minor compared to true dry cabin living.<br />
<br />
I told her that her dream is not a First World Dream, but a dream for the whole world. And then I went back to my laundry.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNRJgMcBoztLe_X7FDZFtecjuHdnvNA4QVlDKFhKRGRJ_vMO_6qG1Kc5OukXa3aXO7AseLQWx8JjLyJ3NeEy4kviSIcSnnhAGxLsMXjqunbo-eIuAf4ztyY5yjnR936vTi_IrpAe0240ly/s1600/150613_0002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNRJgMcBoztLe_X7FDZFtecjuHdnvNA4QVlDKFhKRGRJ_vMO_6qG1Kc5OukXa3aXO7AseLQWx8JjLyJ3NeEy4kviSIcSnnhAGxLsMXjqunbo-eIuAf4ztyY5yjnR936vTi_IrpAe0240ly/s320/150613_0002.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">my laundry room</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-pM2tA7fEzifZJ8jCH4F2xhJUY4TrktlZiGkaEBCaNeoY2EvdUBDOKNTxcKi8NQYGIJ9798j6bsSo40jmavf9Qymswy63luMRnn5DolaxFZy9SLvSB4F7p3-3vZkp3JjHYZg_nU1vl4h8/s1600/150613_0005.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-pM2tA7fEzifZJ8jCH4F2xhJUY4TrktlZiGkaEBCaNeoY2EvdUBDOKNTxcKi8NQYGIJ9798j6bsSo40jmavf9Qymswy63luMRnn5DolaxFZy9SLvSB4F7p3-3vZkp3JjHYZg_nU1vl4h8/s320/150613_0005.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">my washing machine (with motor partially exposed)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-77296556050942777272015-05-30T18:55:00.000-07:002015-05-30T18:59:36.899-07:00strange new world<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The weather is stellar in Fairbanks: crystal blue skies, gentle breezes, the smell of new birch and poplar leaves, birdsong everywhere. This can mean only one thing: everyone I know has left town for summer work in Galena, or some other rural village. Joanne and I took a quick trip (1200 miles round trip or so) to Juneau to meet up with her sister, and then she had to go right back to work. I came home a few days ago, and it feels rather lonely right now.<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong. This is why I moved here: to be out in the country away from the noise and stress. But I realized I was missing everyone. And so I joined Facebook. Or rather, I decided to resurrect my long-languishing Facebook account so I could hang out online with the people I like to hang out with face-to-face (usually holding glasses rather than books).<br />
<br />
For the first few days it was rather fun, like dropping in on a swinging party that never stops. I uploaded photos, requested friends, got friends, and in no time was snooping around on everyone's pages, liking and commenting on their photos and stuff. I quickly learned that it's best not to overdo it, and I actually ended up apologizing to a friend because I felt that the tone of my comments might have sounded more rude than teasing and playful.<br />
<br />
Overall my nearly two weeks on Facebook have so far been great. But I'm learning the not-so-great part is the newsfeed page. It's a constant stream of things my friends share on my timeline, which for me can be either really fun and cool and inspiring, or something I don't understand or really don't need in my life. Some of these latter ones are listed below in no particular order:<br />
<br />
1. <i>Videos of ridiculously cute animals.</i> These are so addictingly and annoyingly cute, I am even guilty of sharing two of them with friends. The ones that do me in: lambs, ponies, ducks, tiny baby pigs with wet noses, and goats (or "goatsies" as one of my friends calls them).<br />
<br />
2. <i>Anything containing cats.</i> Once upon a time, I used to love cats. But they are dominating the internet and someone has to put a stop to it. I think if we all do our part, the internet will be cat-free one day.<br />
<br />
3. <i>Weird, dark, sometimes gross posts full of references my younger friends obviously find hilarious. </i>Whatever. No comprendo.<br />
<br />
4. <i>Causes</i>. These are okay in moderation. <i>Moderation.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
5. <i>Uplifting Hallmark Card-like messages. </i> If I had a choice? I'd rather see the weird ones.<br />
<br />
6. <i>Ads. </i>The bright side:<i> </i>none have been pornographic.<br />
<br />
<i>7. Anything clearly designed to be manipulative. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPKyBakDifIn10Cn_ZCH1W2GD_YL3_D-Vw-SVYZXvYtgdm1BHFoc5qoIM12tr41-5tnqt9hzvJCYdgtcvHFKB_6OFhyphenhyphenneV_9SLyOfinVCDWf5ngFOdHxf9_RGsgfllZQQeE5pPX5JAh3JE/s1600/cute-baby-animals-10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPKyBakDifIn10Cn_ZCH1W2GD_YL3_D-Vw-SVYZXvYtgdm1BHFoc5qoIM12tr41-5tnqt9hzvJCYdgtcvHFKB_6OFhyphenhyphenneV_9SLyOfinVCDWf5ngFOdHxf9_RGsgfllZQQeE5pPX5JAh3JE/s320/cute-baby-animals-10.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I am so cute and wee please don't eat meeeee!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-46774489573990574062015-05-17T12:50:00.000-07:002015-05-17T12:50:21.011-07:00messy floor or Divine Message?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiih85o0nNXT6iQ_QMjIsI5met3Zg1SJnMLZGoW3z_xzBLTM6O38SP_CiSa_xt3DYBFRLqfUSQKyD37cLFWgV0GuJO3oxvaPDYGP23ucf3SgxjD7KYQhwritfWW1-sLkI4EFLfYvvjieISl/s1600/150517_0001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiih85o0nNXT6iQ_QMjIsI5met3Zg1SJnMLZGoW3z_xzBLTM6O38SP_CiSa_xt3DYBFRLqfUSQKyD37cLFWgV0GuJO3oxvaPDYGP23ucf3SgxjD7KYQhwritfWW1-sLkI4EFLfYvvjieISl/s640/150517_0001.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
I was doing my morning yoga and saw this (whilst downward dogging)...</div>
</div>
DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-82633960757799916972015-05-09T19:06:00.002-07:002015-05-16T17:37:59.974-07:00just a morning in May<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
In another life, I thought I wanted to be an artist, so I
did all of the things I thought an artist ought to do. That is, up to a point:
the point at which it becomes difficult. At that point, one has to fight in
order to continue. That is where I stopped. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In yet another life, I found myself on the path to becoming
a scientist. This time, I recognized as soon as my foot touched the path that one
has to fight to continue. And so I fight every day: I fight my laziness and my
self-doubt, and I tell myself, if you give up, what will you have? You can only
stop fighting if you have something else worth fighting for. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today I was supposed to work on my data. But I said to
myself: it’s a beautiful spring day. Why don’t you just be a living, breathing
thing today? Forget the data. It will still be there tomorrow. So I had my
coffee in bed with the window wide open, watching the morning unfold. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then a bird hit my picture window. He bounced off and landed
in a spruce tree just at eye level. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
grabbed my binoculars. He was a small thing, and his mottled coloring suggested
he hadn’t left the nest all that long ago. For perhaps an hour he did nothing
but sit very still, and it was clear he was in shock. I fully expected him to
fall dead off his perch into my yard, because when do you ever see a bird sit
still? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After that first hour, he limped to a different position on
the tree, more inside the canopy. Most likely because the neighborhood had
begun to wake up and there were all kinds of noises: car engines, bush planes, chattering
squirrels and our local raven, who I’m convinced is nosy because he (or she)
always flies low past my windows as if to see what I’m up to. I thought my little
friend had been spotted and it was only a matter of time before Nosy would ambush-pluck
him away from his hiding place. But my friend stayed still, puffed up like a
small dark-feathered ball, and seemed to be napping off and on. After another
hour, he began to stir, and groomed himself meticulously, flexing every feather.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Soon enough he began plucking at the twigs, foraging
for bugs. After perhaps another hour the mild sunshine began to fade and a
steady breeze blew. By then he was hopping from branch to branch, looking for
more bugs. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The speed of his recovery was
astonishing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was clear he was getting
ready to fly away. After one short experimental flight to another part of the
same tree, he launched himself into the wind and flew away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All that was left were four little downy breast
feathers stuck to my window. Soon enough, these flew away too.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After he’d gone I realized: what a lucky fool I am! I get to
decide what to fight for: artist or scientist, soldier or pacifist, mother or
childless woman. He could only be a bird, and that was the only thing he could
fight for. But he did so splendidly.<o:p></o:p></div>
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DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-10164621281635539072015-04-22T17:11:00.001-07:002015-05-16T17:41:02.570-07:00Now that it's spring, don't forget to top off your car's fluids!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivWdbvigZNgh8HW5lhGhZ9DiFnfeYq9zGolzh80pUlbpsThggrByaVMvBeku39S5HEgDnhevM51APDkhKf208-Ru9VY2B3UBMPDGzmo5WQNrthwzE5o4IQ8AayUTqASaegN1wu2FQvYEm4/s1600/150422_0002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivWdbvigZNgh8HW5lhGhZ9DiFnfeYq9zGolzh80pUlbpsThggrByaVMvBeku39S5HEgDnhevM51APDkhKf208-Ru9VY2B3UBMPDGzmo5WQNrthwzE5o4IQ8AayUTqASaegN1wu2FQvYEm4/s1600/150422_0002.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
Don't wait until he pulls over to suck up water from dirty puddles like this poor, thirsty guy.</div>
DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-80476980122263942702015-03-30T20:47:00.000-07:002015-05-16T17:46:44.335-07:00A Foxy Spring?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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“In like a lion and out like a lamb” is how March is described. This year was no exception; two weeks ago it was bottoming
out at -35 F every morning, and now at the tail end of the month temperatures
are in the low 50’s. That’s an 85<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">°</span> difference. Which is completely insane.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Here in Fairbanks the snow has been melting in record time.
Local roads are turning muddy, while the main roads are as dry as the Indiana
Speedway in July; snow is avalanching from roofs onto the ground and winter trails
are deteriorating, making it hard to mush and snowmachine
anymore. Most people have put away their skis for the year, and I have never seen
so many folks running around in tee shirts this early.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Two years ago it snowed all through April, and break-up didn’t happen until the middle of May. Are we really done with the white season this
year?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Well, today I heard a fly.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I sat in shirtsleeves on my nice sunny porch enjoying a cup
of afternoon tea when I saw something moving low and slow among the trees. Too
slow to be a squirrel or a chickadee, I realized it was a grouse, as big as a chicken
and trying hard to be stealthy. That was almost impossible; not only was she
very large, she was almost black. This surprised me, because just a month ago
our sportsman neighbor showed us a photo of some grouse that were as white as the
snow he lined their plump little dead bodies upon. A month later, it’s still pretty
white around here, and that’s normal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I wondered: what causes birds like grouse to change color?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Most research suggests the hormonal changes causing the
shift from white to black coats (and vice-versa) is driven by day length. Other
studies have shown a strong air temperature cue that causes coat-color change in some animals. The first theory could be a problem if snowmelt
happens before the birds darken: then you’d have white birds running around
on black ground (pursued by slobbering foxes) waiting for the days to get longer. The second
theory could cause the opposite problem: warm enough to change the birds but
not melt the snow, which is what I saw today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Either way, bad for the birds and great for my neighbor (and the foxes).<o:p></o:p></div>
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As for this particular grouse, not only did she stick out like a
sore thumb, I saw her break through the fragile snow crust in a clearing and slip and fall right on her tailfeathers. My heart went out to her then: first she was this wild creature moving with the noiseless fluidity born of utter caution that tasty animals must have to survive, and now she was no different from a little kid on her first skis. I hoped a safe shelter awaited her nearby from all the nosy dogs, foxes, and gun-toting sportsman
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DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-71571345797649308422015-03-19T20:43:00.000-07:002015-05-16T16:57:52.344-07:00Nous sommes Alaskiwi!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Simon and Chris and the whole Alaskiwi Team are back!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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They returned very early yesterday morning after a flight
out of Unalakleet to Anchorage, where Joanne and Dale left the dog truck for
them. Not only did they have to pack up and fly, dogs and all, they had to
drive hundreds of miles to get home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Although Nome was the original goal, a time crunch forced
them to call it quits at Unalakleet: clients from the lower 48 are expected
soon for a trip to Tolovana Hot Springs beginning Sunday, and the Alaskiwis
knew they needed a few days rest before this next adventure. The Iditarod
racers finally caught them on the trail around Old Woman Mountain, but they
actually landed in Unalakleet ahead of this year’s winner (Dallas Seavey).<o:p></o:p></div>
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Besides having to deal with the race, they had other
problems:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>it had warmed up before they
started, so the trail was soft and deep most of the way. On their second day, they
ran into a blizzard at Minto:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Chris said
it was like “nails driving into your face.” There was unrelenting windchill most
of the way on the Yukon, and a gale off the Bering Sea greeted them at
Unalakleet. They had thought about turning around a few times, but they pushed
on in spite of their difficulties. Along the way they met some kind folks who offered
shelter and campfire wood, and made instant friends of children in villages who apparently had never tasted a Gummy Bear.</div>
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Like the mushers of old, they ran small teams of big-boned,
thick-furred dogs, and had no pit stops with hot meals and hot water for the
dogs’ food ready for them, but had to brew it the old fashioned way, on the trail. This of
course took time, and as the racers got closer, spectators sometimes confused
them with Iditarod mushers, and sometimes people scorned them when it was
discovered they were not in the race but were simply exploring the trail at their own pace purely for the adventure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Last night the two boys looked tired but were otherwise their usual cheerful selves. Chris had a bit of windburn on his face, but he said
it was nice to be able to feel sensation in his toes again. Smokey and Porky
were pretty low-key, dozing by the fire and gassing up a storm in the living room;
only Lassie seemed to have her usual bouncy joie de vivre. But they are all heroes in my book, and I
think I can speak for everyone when I say: Je suis Alaskiwi!</div>
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DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-40290291888156916662015-03-14T13:03:00.000-07:002015-05-17T13:00:55.125-07:00Dreams at the edge of a long winter<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
On Thursday I finally passed my comps exams and advanced to candidacy. It was the single scariest moment of my life as a student. But it is behind me now, and I can continue forward. I had never really thought about what else I should do if I didn't pass, because I put all my eggs into this PhD basket, and there was no Plan B. Grad school is a huge investment in time and effort, and the pressure to
succeed is enormously stressful. I had invested six months of
preparation, including three months of rewrites, and it was beginning to erode my heath and self-esteem to the point where I felt it would make or break me physically and mentally for the rest of my life. <br />
<br />
To try to ground myself the night before and calm my fears, I prayed. I'm not religious, but it's funny how people turn to the idea of higher powers when we're most afraid. I recited a prayer that I heard in the 1970 movie: "Little Big Man." If you're not familiar with the movie, I suggest you see it. Soon. <br />
<br />
It's a story about a white boy raised by the Cheyenne in the frontier days. His adoptive father, the chief of their village, prepares to face death by reciting a prayer, the first part of which inspired me to recite it at sunset, and again at dawn:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Thank you for making me a human being! Thank you for helping me to become a warrior! Thank you for all my victories and all my defeats! Thank you for my vision and for the blindness in which I saw further!</blockquote>
<br />
With increasing dread, I had only just started to think about Plan B. What if I don't pass my comps? How will I ever have the energy and will to face it again? If I can't hack it, where do I go, what do I do?<br />
<br />
The warrior's prayer made me see that defeat is honorable. And, when defeat is allowed to be an honorable part of life, suddenly all choices in life become valid, all are equal. All are good.<br />
<br />
I began to see real options: One, just stay put and keep on working. Two, take a semester off and then resume afresh. Three, quit grad school and go do something else. I had many reasons not to pick Number Three. But it became a good, valid choice once I allowed myself to realize that nothing--nothing!---is worth sacrificing your health for. <br />
<br />
By putting my own heath at the top of the list, it gave me the freedom to choose to opt out. On the morning of my comps I was prepared to face the day and accept whatever outcome lay hidden before me. I know that I stumbled a few times during the exam. But I also know that I answered other questions well. I may not be the most brilliant grad student that ever faced a dissertation committee, but I love my project and I work very hard.<br />
<br />
I had to go out in the hall for the committee's deliberation. While trying to eat a bagel that I couldn't taste, I looked out the window at the snow and the trees and told the Universe that I accepted whatever happened from that moment forward, and I would still do my best to be happy.<br />
<br />
And then Donie came out and gave me the thumbs up. I almost couldn't believe it. It was like I suddenly lost a thousand pounds.<br />
<br />
And then twice in the same day I had champagne. Really nice champagne. Donie and her husband threw a little party for me in their office that evening. And later that night I shared another fancy bottle with my neighbors, who brought food--and jello shots. I'm not from the jello shots generation, but I'm beginning to realize jello shots are just as important as a good bottle of bubbles.<br />
<br />
And finally, at the end of the long week, while splitting wood in the yard it struck me that man, I have it made in the shade. I have a great project where I get to study the Arctic and live in a beautiful little house in the woods where I can see moose and the aurora from my couch, I have good friends and neighbors, a great graduate advisor and committee, and a nice big pile of firewood. It may not be somebody else's dream, but it's really what I want right now. Where it will all lead is not yet known to me, but I am thankful for the uncertainty.<br />
<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVzXcw76W_1JVRaL0y4XH_aziXePI7XcbQC2ynd21iu0isCm8nZjJM58LL2UxmZLbKcBdvfM1qferMKpqSgMfigMKPIrCwLj4RQ9M0C9z96uLeycLqmUNs3f4l-4Qsg-EpOwBtz02UuhlO/s1600/champagne.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVzXcw76W_1JVRaL0y4XH_aziXePI7XcbQC2ynd21iu0isCm8nZjJM58LL2UxmZLbKcBdvfM1qferMKpqSgMfigMKPIrCwLj4RQ9M0C9z96uLeycLqmUNs3f4l-4Qsg-EpOwBtz02UuhlO/s1600/champagne.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-11683351848074988312015-03-07T18:37:00.000-08:002015-05-16T16:58:13.247-07:00THERE THEY GO!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=750847091678720&set=vb.162212353875533&type=2&theater" target="_blank">https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=750847091678720&set=vb.162212353875533&type=2&theater</a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">or....not. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Looks like Toby decided to pull over and say Hi to Jojo and her camera (and hopefully some Yummy Chummies)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">:-)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Iditarod starts Monday, right here in Fairbanks!!</span><br />
<br />
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DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-14863723146319843272015-03-02T20:43:00.003-08:002015-05-16T16:58:26.464-07:00Home to Nome<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Simon and Chris, kinda like Bob Hope and Bing Crosby, are on the road (actually mushing trail) to Nome. They left Saturday morning, and in a few hours they hit a blizzard.<br />
<br />
But they're Kiwis, which means they probably have some funny-sounding word for blizzard, they face it, they laugh at it, they dig out of the snow and they get up and do it all over again.<br />
<br />
They hope to make it in a couple of weeks, well ahead of the Iditarod teams. Joanne and Dale are flying out to meet them, and then the whole show, dogs and all, fly back to Fairbanks. <br />
<br />
You can follow their progress <a href="https://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;_ylt=A2KIo9bTOPVUjh0AQ1z7w8QF;_ylu=X3oDMTByZWc0dGJtBHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDdmlkBHZ0aWQDBGdwb3MDMQ--?p=bob+hope+and+bing+crosby%2C+hootmon&vid=a2dd013c5060302c16f0319b90c2a33d&l=2%3A42&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts4.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DVN.608030136804773295%26pid%3D15.1&rurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DmiobysK59tI&tit=Road+to+Bali+-+%26quot%3BHoot+Mon!%26quot%3B+with+Bob+Hope+and+Bing+Crosby&c=0&sigr=11b9psi9e&sigt=122b0gce1&sigi=11rl9gke8&age=1266421064&fr2=p%3As%2Cv%3Av&fr=yhs-invalid&tt=b" target="_blank">here</a><br />
<br />
WHOOPS, I MEANT <a href="https://share.delorme.com/SimonMcloughlin" target="_blank">here</a><br />
<br />
:-)<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYrgKHnt0up7FxawxdHdKJ7G4SGJWgM9ObLdKQrxS4OJ5CLfXigheCf9Bnr7kzmhhpZBC2JATod4XYuBnwSESRAHQfA3HywQlBo3mo9Yr2cXYFVTfsbq1EdrDlcMvH14oQC_POQaWopHbD/s1600/150226_0033.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYrgKHnt0up7FxawxdHdKJ7G4SGJWgM9ObLdKQrxS4OJ5CLfXigheCf9Bnr7kzmhhpZBC2JATod4XYuBnwSESRAHQfA3HywQlBo3mo9Yr2cXYFVTfsbq1EdrDlcMvH14oQC_POQaWopHbD/s1600/150226_0033.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">we had a friendly game of cards and some nice roast buffalo for their big sendoff</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-24192449163242480232015-02-08T18:53:00.000-08:002015-05-17T13:21:46.206-07:00Deep Oprah Sunday<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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It’s half-past four in the afternoon. I’m sitting in my living room
sipping tawny port and listening to “Grantchester Meadows” and watching the sun
go down. Every day it lengthens its arc
just a bit longer towards Esther Dome; by April it will sail right over Ester,
and by June it will sink into the hills beyond Murphy Dome in a big flaming
pool shortly past midnight.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Today was my 'spa day:' sleep late, eat whatever I want,
enjoy the returning sunshine, take a nice hot shower, read Oprah magazine, have
a drink at sunset, listen to good music. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I still have to pass my comps, and still have to continue
gathering germination data through the microscope, work in the lab 20 hours a
week, train and supervise the student helpers, and get trained myself on other
new tasks. And still find time to water my greenhouse plants, go grocery shopping,
clean my house, and split and stack firewood on the porch on a regular basis so
I can have a warm house each morning. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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But none of that counts if I can’t look in the mirror each
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The last three months have been more difficult and stressful than I
could ever have imagined. And it’s still not completed. If I am to remain happy in my choices, I have
to forgive myself for the fact that I’m growing older and may not be as swift
as I once was, and not to worry if perhaps that’s what my committee is picking
up on. I know that how you carry yourself is important. It’s as important to a
scientist as it is to an artist or a businessman or a politician. If I act like I know what I’m doing, perhaps I
can convince people it’s true. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Of course the first person I need to convince is me, and
that has really been the one thing I’ve been working (struggling?) with my
whole life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I may never really know how other people see me, but I can
choose not to care so much. Whenever I see a video of myself I see a person who
is deeply, un-fixably nerdy. And I guess this is a trait that people will either
find endearing and want to be my friend or to help me, or they’ll find it annoying
and either want to avoid me (if they’re normal) or see an opening to be mean
(if they’re mean). The latter could
possibly explain why I feel some people just don’t care for me, or at first
think I’m one way, which they seem to like, but then they change their behavior
and become less friendly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This morning I stood outside in the sunlight and realized
the sun takes the same path in February as it does in October. Which means
January is the same as November, February is October, March is September, April
is August, and May is July. June is just June.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I stood for a while just looking at the trees. It’s noisy
walking in -25 F snowpack, like walking on Styrofoam, and I don’t enjoy
taking walks in the winter because you can’t really appreciate how silent it
really is if your boots are squeaking all over the place. So I just stood and made like a tree.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I realized that as much as I want to sit there thinking
about daylength, or air temperature, or climate change effects on seedling
germination in the Arctic, it’s only a faint scratch upon the surface of
things. The trees stand as trees have always
stood as long as trees have been trees.
Being in Alaska has allowed me to realize that nature contains a truth
so deep and matter-of-fact, we will probably never get to the bottom of it. We
try to use language to describe nature, but even our words are a feeble attempt
to come to terms with what it really is. That thought gave me comfort, because no
matter how much more we uncover in our studies, the trees and everything else
will always get to retain their mystery. Of course, they don’t care whether
they do or not, and that is why I love them. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-13960527482397993652015-01-30T11:40:00.000-08:002015-05-17T13:08:50.701-07:00I LOVE my school!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-74772597707128624322015-01-23T23:22:00.001-08:002015-05-16T17:47:05.470-07:00This pretty much sums up yesterday...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-74482045593777014422015-01-18T00:09:00.000-08:002015-05-17T13:08:32.464-07:00a little help from my friends<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Things have not been going so great for me lately. But Simon's dogs are pitching in and giving me words of encouragement (thanks to Joanne). This is Polar (aka P-Boy):</div>
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And then there's the Buddha:</div>
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There must be some mushrooms growing around his doghouse in the summer.</div>
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DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-34705701785140356552014-12-24T11:55:00.000-08:002015-05-16T17:47:18.838-07:00An Alaskan Husky Christmas Story<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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written by Simon McLoughlin<br />
[I decided to take the day off and post Simon's letter about naughty doggies...]<br />
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Thought you might all appreciate this story.<br />
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<span class="s1">Got home from town last night about 5p.m. it was pitch black being day after winter solstice. Had come from Freddies w/ Christmas day groceries. Whilst shopping spied some reindeer sausage meat and thought -oh a treat for dogs!</span><br />
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<span class="s1"> When home I divide the 4 sausages into 11 equal amounts under interior light of truck then walk over to dogyard in the dark as headlamp elsewhere. I reach blindly into the opening of each kennel waiting for the dogs teeth to gently differentiate between my fingers and the reindeer meat. All going well until I am at far end of dogyard. I reach into Brownies kennel and long delay before I expect the wet muzzle to extricate the goodie from my hand w/ fingers intact. Over 30 seconds go by normally it'd be .3 secs and goodie would have vanished.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I feel deeper into kennel and all I can feel is empty space. Brownie is not home he has vamoosed w/ 6 feet of chain and 4 foot of 1/2" diameter rebar w/ a 1 foot 90 degree angle on end.</span><br />
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<span class="s1">I walk over to give Polar his goodie but no goodie for him as he is not a goodie and has blasted off too.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I immediately think of you Joanne and your summer experiences w/ the same two reprobates.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I find headlamp and begin wandering trails nearby calling and whistling into the black night. When I return to dogyard 20 minutes later here comes Polar running seemingly innocently to his kennel dragging 6 foot of chain.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I remove Polar's chain and then let the indomitable Porky off to help w/ search for Brownie.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">With snomachine running we set off looking for Brownie. Polar runs immediately to cabin door and clueless to plan at hand. He wants to be on the couch next to the blazing woodstove in a warm cabin.</span><br />
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<span class="s1">No sign of Brownie after searching nearby loop trail over the frozen Goldstream Creek.</span><br />
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<span class="s1">So we return to yard empty handed. I decide to clip Porky and Polar back to their kennels and drive snogo [translation: snowmobile] up towards road looking for the elusive Brownie.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I am now up at Goldstream store -still empty handed so go inside to ask store worker if anybody has come across a dog dragging chain and steel on his merry way. JACKPOT !!! I have a phone number for a woman who found Brownie down at peat ponds caught up in trees going nowhere fast! She extricates him w/ Polar onlooking then loads him in her truck w/ her other two dogs she was out walking trails with.</span><br />
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<span class="s1">Polar declines offer for a ride and does what he does best...pisses off..!! [translation: takes off]</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Sooo it's now 8 p.m. and I just arrive home with Brownie in the cab of truck and can finally give him his Christmas goodie and a happy ending to another unplanned winter adventure.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">[NOTE: if you wanna see pictures of these reprobates, click Lassie's picture on right]</span></div>
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DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9144851454298108718.post-90002662621549539942014-12-04T22:31:00.000-08:002015-05-16T16:58:51.503-07:00The Croissants of Shame<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;">[compiled from several emails sent today]</span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>Hi Everyone,</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>If you were following the news a couple hours ago you heard that one of our fellow students took his own life on campus.</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>The Newsminer gave the student's age: 48. By that definition, whether he'd heard of us or not, he's a non-traditional like us.</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>We all know how stressful student life can be. Especially at the end of the semester and the end of the year--when the fun weather and darkness sets in along with the projects and tests and grades and all that fun sh!t.</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>I've been reading all semester for my comps. I took my writtens the week before Thanksgiving. I got feedback from a couple of my committee members, and successfully got through some rewrites before the week was over. On Tuesday of this week I went to take my scheduled oral exam. I got there early and sat outside the conference room for a half hour. After what seemed like ages my advisor finally came out and told me that the committee decided I wasn't ready to take the orals, because some of them were not satisfied with my written answers. </i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>I was completely shocked. It was all I could do to hold back tears.</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>In hindsight, I should not have been subjected to that. I should have been contacted beforehand by each person who felt a rewrite was in order. Well, Thanksgiving week came and went, and blah blah blah. It (and I) fell through the cracks. It really sucked. I spent $ on breakfast items for them, I had to request an outside examiner weeks before, and the poor fellow showed up just to have his time wasted. Worst of all, my advisor had emailed all my friends the day before to announce that she was throwing a big party for me (with CHAMPAGNE!) on Wed night to celebrate my advance to candidacy. She had to email them all back and explain why the party was being cancelled. That REALLY sucked--now everyone knew!! And so I went home in tears with my bag of croissants, and wondered whether I should continue being a UAF student or just give up and fling myself and the croissants over the Goldstream Creek Bridge.</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>Before I left campus that day, however, I met with the members of my committee who were not satisfied with my written answers, and we discussed the issues. They gave me a framework for rewrites. I just sent rewrites to one of them a little while ago, and I am in the process of rewriting for the other.</i> </span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;">If all goes well, I should be able to reschedule my oral exam for early January.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;">Sounds easy. But it wasn't. I was doing everything I could to hold it together. My advisor had hugged me and apologized. It wasn't her fault.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;">That poor student. I know how he felt. I came close. [I didn't tell anyone about that part]</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;">When I got home, I sat in my house and cried for hours. I didn't eat or drink or light a fire, and the house got cold. I thought about driving up the Elliott Highway some ways past Fox and pulling over and just walking out into the snow. I thought about the thirty thousand dollars in loans and scholarships that would need to be given back. And I thought about my Dad, who went to college on the GI Bill after surviving the final campaign through Europe during WWII. I emailed him and he called me; we talked for over an hour. </span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>When something like this happens, it's not good to internalize your feelings. It may be embarrassing for others to know, but holding back the pain can seriously damage one's health and prevent us from going forward, which is what being a student is all about.</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>My advice to you guys, if this should happen to you, is to keep your chin up. Also, don't harbour angry feelings. Faculty are human, miscommunication happens, holiday weekends happen, and sometimes everything comes together to create the Perfect Sh!t Storm of Humiliation hitting you, the student, in the face. Allow yourself one day to scream your head off, cry your eyes out, eat Ben n Jerry's, whatever </i>[my Dad's advice]<i>. The next day, get up and do your student thing as usual. Day by day it will get easier. I talked to my girlfriend in California (a UC Davis non-trad) and we ended up laughing about my croissants of shame which I ended up giving to my neighbor's sled dogs (that felt good). The day you laugh again, you will be out of the hole.</i></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;">I'm not saying you will be the way you were before. No. You won't ever forget it, and certain things may trigger bouts of tears for a while. But (my Dad again), you must let go of the bitterness. </span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>If you continue to feel resentment it will poison an otherwise awesome education opportunity that you worked so hard to be part of. And I'm sorry to say, it can poison your whole life from that day forward. </i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>If you want to use this group as a forum for this kind of support, please feel free.This group is whatever you want it to be. We all have a voice, we are all in charge. And I wish this group to be a safe place to fall for all of us.</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>OK, so I had my horrible experience on Tuesday. Today I am feeling much better. Writing this, I am feeling much better. It helps to let it out. University is meant to stimulate our curiosity and develop our intellectual skills, and I often feel I learn more from my mistakes than I ever could by doing something "the right way" which, remember, is often subjective and consensus-based. By that logic I ought to be a frickin' genius by now, but oh well...</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>Albert Einstein's teacher supposedly told his father that the kid was an idiot who would never amount to anything. (and they didn't have Title IX back then when Einstein was a college boy...)</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>We all know student life is peer-oriented and can be very judgey and cliquey. You can't stop someone from judging you negatively, but remember, judgments like that are fear-based, and very different from the constructive criticism that shapes a student into a critical thinker, a skilled writer, an impassioned and highly skilled doer. In the culture of academic excellence it's easy to feel inadequate, and the quickest ego boost for low self-esteem is to look down our noses at someone else. But don't forget that you are individuals. Nobody can place a value judgement on another person's individuality. What you have is unique and irreplaceable, it's really your hard currency. Each one of you struck me as a kind of maverick when I first met and talked to you. This is what is so interesting to me--perhaps that's why we're all in this Non-Trad boat together!</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>So continue to be the awesome Non-Traditional mom/dad/grandparent/soldier/community leader/artist/mountaineer/philosopher/engineer mavericks that you are. And make friends with some sled dogs just in case you need to ditch a wasted committee meeting breakfast in a hurry :-)</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>And please have a wonderful break.</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>Your friend,</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><i>Diane</i></span></div>
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DeeDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15902452667920709402noreply@blogger.com1